---
ga: 44
title: "Draft I. First scene: Capesius — Benedictus"
words: 860
---
# Draft I. First scene: Capesius — Benedictus

CAPESIUS:  
It is so kind of you  
To grant my request  
For a conversation that will  
Ease the bitter torment  
That gnaws at my soul.  
What I have had to endure lately  
Is such that I previously had no idea  
That such cruel torment  
Could befall the heart of a human being.  
Despairing that knowledge  
Of the reasons for existence is possible for humans  
Seems insignificant to me  
When I consider that now  
I must believe with certainty  
That without this knowledge  
Man must walk the paths of life  
As an aimless shadow being;  
That like a deaf fruit  
His existence passes without result,  
There arises for him from his deepest self  
A higher, a knowing self.  
But when I try to grasp this self,  
I grasp only empty ghostliness.  
The dark emptiness stands before my gaze,  
When I torment myself searching  
For that knowledge which I am sure Exists.  
I have seen in my young friend,  
Johannes Thomasius, in truth,  
How this knowledge creates  
The human soul transforms.  
Oh, if I could doubt, I would be happy.  
I must no longer doubt.  
Doubt may be misfortune,  
But ruin, destruction, is  
Not even to be able to guess  
What it is impossible to doubt.  
I am at an age  
That soon approaches the gates of death.  
I look back on a life  
In which I have spoken to people in many ways  
About the mysteries of life  
And questions of existence.  
And now it all seems to me  
Just insubstantial talk,  
Just waves of foam  
On the sea of existence.  
If only I could say  
That we can know nothing,  
I would walk courageously toward the dark gate.  
I would find myself in the  
Limited soul of man.  
But since I know that what is effective  
In humans is closed to me,  
I am filled with horror,  
Which, like a consuming fire,  
Grips every fiber of my being.

BENEDICTUS:  
And do you not feel how  
The certainty that within yourselves  
The powers you seek,  
Could bring you into such a situation.

CAPESIUS:  
I feel this well.  
That high human powers are rooted in me,  
It has become so clear to me.  
For a long time I have cast off  
Through your words and those of your circle  
The treasures of knowledge that were supreme  
My whole life to me.  
Look how different from before  
I have incorporated into my treasure trove of books.  
Mysticism and secret science  
I have devoted myself to in recent times.  
And I have recognized  
How pure gold lies in everything  
What you say to me and others.  
And how numbing it sounds in my soul  
So much of what I have read.  
I cannot, I must not doubt it,  
But I cannot understand it either.  
My powers are not sufficient  
To think of anything definite,  
When I hear that there is  
Initiation into vast mysteries,  
And that the highest wisdom  
Is dangerous to guess,  
That it proves completely impossible  
For one person to entrust it  
To another in words.  
How should I respond to what is necessary,  
If it plunges people into misfortune,  
If it strikes them unprepared.  
I know that I must recognize.  
I know that I will be destroyed,  
If the gates of recognition close to me.  
But I also know that destruction can befall me,  
if I should know unprepared.  
So I fear to know  
and must also fear not to know.

BENEDICTUS:  
And can you not kindle a spark  
of comfort,  
when you hear from my mouth  
that no one has ever gained knowledge  
Who was not previously in your situation?

CAPESIUS:  
I see nothing before me  
But darkness and confusion.  
Yet you stand before me  
Like one from whose deepest heart  
Words of wisdom flow.  
And when I look at you,  
I can certainly not doubt  
the reality of knowledge.  
But tell me one thing:  
What does it mean  
that the foundations of existence are being undermined,  
that the solution to the riddle  
is expressed in human language?  
For my powers of thought  
It is incomprehensible that I should know  
What must remain hidden from me in the form of knowledge.  
I see in you what alone  
Makes life valuable to me.  
I must believe in myself  
That it exists.  
But I lack any bridge  
That can lead from your soul  
To mine.  
And I am denied even the ability to guess  
Why you must not utter the solution word  
With your lips.

BENEDICTUS:  
You cannot hear the word from me,  
But you are free  
To receive the power of the word  
If you let what you hear  
Flow into the depths of your being.  
CAPESIUS: With everything you say,  
You remove me from that  
Which is to come to me.

BENEDICTUS:  
And yet you need only listen,  
And it will come closer to you,  
That you believe yourself to be so far from.  
The divine beings speak to human souls  
In a silent language.  
Human words kill  
The powers of speech of the gods,  
The powers of speech of the gods  
Are cloaked in resounding human words  
Mysterious seeds of action.